I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
