Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize