She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
