I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
