I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
