Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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