Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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