How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
