Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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