I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
