you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This toilet bowl is my home.
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