Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
