my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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