The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
