Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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