Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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