i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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