so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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