please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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