what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
