im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
