made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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