you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
