Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
