I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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