her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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