What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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