Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
