Porn is love you can see.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
