I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
