HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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