just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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