You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
