You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
