You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
