Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
