She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
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