'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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