lets start a swedish sibling band together
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Drunk is a universal language darling
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
