I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
