Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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