Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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