She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize