I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
