I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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