I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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