the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
