I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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