I have demons in me.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
