sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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