Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
