My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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