Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She's the barista slut.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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