Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
that is very illegal...i love you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
