my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
