If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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