i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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