you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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