I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
