i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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