I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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