I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
