Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
