You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
