I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
