I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
