tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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