i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
