I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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