Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
