Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
