How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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