Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
