youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
