This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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