She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
