god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
