tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
