went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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