I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
