Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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