Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
