I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
