We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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