So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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