i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
