don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
