He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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