Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
