He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
